Tag Archives: psychological health

Narcissists Have Pathway To Success While Doing Harm To Others

By Douglas LaBier • March 2, 2021

This is no surprise to most anyone who’s worked in corporations, but a recent study documents that narcissists truly do become successful more easily in many organizational settings. And that takes a toll on peers and others in their orbit, from their arrogance, insensitivity, need to control and dominate. This confirms and adds to empirical evidence what we see in workplace and career consulting, as well as in psychotherapy with men and women dealing with the emotional impact of work-related conflicts.

The study, published in The Leadership Quarterly, was described by Carly Cassella in Science Alert. She writes, “People who are fundamentally entitled, self-confident, manipulative, and callous do really well in the modern workplace…(and) those who scored higher in extraversion, overconfidence, self-esteem, dominance, and authoritarianism were more likely to get appointed CEO after a certain amount of time at their firm.”

Moreover, Cassella continues,

Narcissism is known to be a dark trait, and individuals who are characterized by higher levels of narcissisms are known to procure negative outcomes for the firm, such as financial crime, tax avoidance, less collaborative cultures and more. Some studies have shown, for instance, that narcissistic CEOs are tied to unequal compensation, lower employee satisfaction, and a lack of communication in the workplace. They also appear more willing to commit crimes for the sake of the business.

“Once they’re in power, narcissists consolidate their position by firing everyone who challenges them,” explained psychologist Charles O’Reilly for the Stanford University newsroom in 2020. “In their place rise a plague of toadies, opportunists, and enablers equally guided by self-interest and short on scruples. So you end up with these individualistic cultures with no teamwork and low integrity. We’ve documented this in a bunch of Silicon Valley tech firms.”

Credit: Pexels/Dinielle De Veyra

Must Life Go Downhill As You Age, Or Do You Have a Choice?

By Douglas LaBier • January 26, 2021

Is it possible to become the person you hope to be as you age? The most positive version of yourself that embraces, yet transcends, the losses and declines that are part of life? Some recent research suggests that it is.

For example, a study from Oregon State found that how you envision the person you want to be as you become older is a good predictor of who you do become. That’s encouraging, though a bit mystifying, because there’s a missing piece: What, in fact, is it that could enable you to actually become that version of yourself? Actually, some answers are hiding in plain sight.

First, take a look at what we already know. How people perceive their lives at age 50 is a good predictor of their health decades later—including their cardiovascular system, their memory, hospitalizations, and even their mortality. And research has found that happier people are also healthier as they age. The question is, what accounts for those associations? And more importantly, what might enable you to consciously create a positive version of yourself over time?

To explore that, the researchers from Oregon State University looked at what fuels the self-perceptions that become associated with positive aging in people’s later years. They honed in on factors that are more than just your inherited biological tendencies—for example, how you consciously envision your future life to begin with, dimensions of your personality, your overall outlook on life, or your spirit.

Their findings were published in The International Journal of Aging and Human Development. In essence, the research found that If you believe you’re capable of becoming the person you want to be as you become older, that’s who you’re more likely to become. Continue reading →

Becoming More Empathic May Change Your Political Views

By Douglas LaBier • September 29, 2020

Some interesting new research finds that people are capable of working consciously to develop or change dimensions of themselves, including personality traits such as empathy. That, in turn, can affect their views of social and political issues. Specifically, this study found that efforts to increase empathy in your relationships or more broadly, towards others — including those of different life experiences and situations — can lead to changes in your political ideology towards more liberal values.

The research from the University of Michigan and the University of Grenada, described here, found that developing greater empathy led to “…changes in their political souls as well, which maybe they weren’t intending. We saw that in these personality changes toward greater empathy, people placed a lot more importance upon more liberal ideologies — like how you should treat other people and take others’ perspectives,” according to lead author William Chopik.

This finding relates to what I’ve written about in a previous essay — what I called an “empathy deficit disorder.” Originally written for the Washington Post and then for Psychology Today, I explained that when you suffer from “EDD” you’re unable to step outside yourself and tune in to what other people experience, especially those who feel, think, and believe differently from yourself. That makes it a source of personal conflicts, of communication breakdown in intimate relationships, and of adversarial attitudes, including hatred, towards groups of people who differ in their beliefs, traditions, or ways of life from your own. I think that “empathy deficit disorder” is increasingly prominent in our society today; more so in this era of polarization of people’s beliefs, perspectives, values, and attitudes about public policy. Continue reading →

A Relationship Secret of the Happiest Couples: New Research

By Douglas LaBier • August 20, 2020

Why do some relationships look so promising, yet dissolve over time? And why do others, whose partners seem hopelessly mismatched, grow stronger? Much research has tried to identify the individual characteristics that make for a successful relationship, including how couples deal with conflict or communicate. All shed some light on what may underlie relationship success. But a new study of over 11,000 couples reveals a key ingredient that’s easily overlooked or ignored — and it’s the major predictor of relationship happiness, romantic intimacy, and connection.

It’s not how well two prospective partners matched up on a dating site. It’s not about personality features, personal history, or interests. These do play a role in predicting long-term relationship success, but the study found they play a much smaller role than one might think.

What’s the “Secret?”

Simply put, the research found that strongest predictor is the kind of relationship the partners create together, over time. That is, the quality of the relationship they experience transcends individual traits or characteristics in predicting the couple’s happiness over time.

The study, from Canada’s Western University, was based on a different kind of analysis of information from 43 studies of the 11,000 couples. As lead author Samantha Joel stated, “It suggests that the person we choose is not nearly as important as the relationship we build.” It’s the overall way the partners relate to each other. The research shows, she adds, that “the dynamic that you build with someone — the shared norms, the in-jokes, the shared experiences — is so much more than the separate individuals who make up that relationship.” Continue reading →

Do You Need a Partner to Have a Happy Life?

By Douglas LaBier • July 29, 2020

Both men and women often lament their prospects for happiness if they don’t find a partner. I’ve heard this from those who seek to find the “right” person for a relationship that will last and bring joy to their lives, and from others who were in a relationship that ended and really long for another. They dread the prospect of “ending up alone.”

But what do we really know about how being with a partner relates to a happy life? New studies reveal information some about that and point to what does support a “happy” life – more accurately described as one of mental and physical well-being; a sense of growth over time; and a feeling that it’s worth being alive, despite the ups and downs of life and the inevitable transitions and changes we experience.

Let’s look at some recent research into relationships and happiness. A study from Michigan State University assessed the happiness level of over 7000 people – those married, previously married, and those who remained single — from age 18 to 60. The researchers sought to find out, as in the classic Tina Turner song, “What’s love got to do with it?”

About 80 percent of participants had been consistently married, in one marriage; 13 percent had been in and out of relationships; and 8 percent had been consistently single. The researchers examined how the participants’ ratings of happiness related to the particular group they fell into.

The upshot of the study was that “…staking your happiness on being married isn’t a sure bet,” as co-author William Chopik reported. That is, the lifelong singles and those who had varied relationship histories didn’t differ in their level of happiness. Moreover, the lifelong married individuals showed only marginally higher levels of happiness. The research was published in the Journal of Positive Psychology. Continue reading →

Five Ways to Enhance Your Well-Being During the Pandemic

By Douglas LaBier • April 7, 2020

Yes, this is a terrifying, frightening time for everyone. COVID-19 is escalating throughout the world, and now the US is the epicenter. Most of us know by now some steps to take that can manage the anxiety it generates—how to best cope with daily reports about the rising number of cases and deaths.

Many helpful articles and guides are out there that list specific actions that can help your mental health and well-being. For example, maintaining connections with friends and family; exercising and following a good diet; being compassionate towards others — as described in this Nature article. Or, from the New York Times, staying grounded in the medical facts and data, because anxiety is fueled by misinformation and rumors; prepare for the worst, by stockpiling what you might need in the weeks ahead. And, ask for help when you need it; as well as offering help to others.

These are all useful guides for keeping daily anxiety and uncertainty at bay. They help you function as best you can in daily life, work, and relationships. But we’re in the midst of an evolving situation that can unleash a deeper kind of unmoored experience of your life; one that can immobilize you, despite taking all the steps that can help, situationally.

In my view, you can activate a broader set of mental and emotional capacities that help you actually thrive, through the unknown times ahead, during this period of terror; beyond just coping and managing anxieties. I say “thrive” — as strange as that may sound — because you need to have some sense of how to live as fully as you can. This is crucial during any period of terror — whether during a pandemic, in the midst of a war zone, or living in a concentration camp.

I suggest that you reflect on the following. Incorporate them into a daily mindfulness exercise, or mediation — or prayer, if that resonates more with you. Continue reading →

Why Your Work and Career Can Continue to Debilitate You

By Douglas LaBier • August 31, 2019

As we approach Labor Day this weekend, it’s a good time to reflect on some new findings about the negative impact work and career have upon a broad spectrum of workers. The new studies add to a picture that’s been accumulating for some time: You’re likely to experience increasing dissatisfaction, stress and damage — both psychologically and physically — in today’s workplace culture and management. And that’s across all organizations in all sorts of jobs, careers, and workplaces.

Many of the findings shed light on why that is, and what may help; but often do so indirectly, by virtue of what’s missing from them. That is, some are based on extensive surveys, but they tend to ignore two underlying sources for so many people: Psychologically unhealthy management and leadership; and our cultural definition of success.

Both are visible in the following studies — including what is needed in both for positive change.

One example is a new survey from CareerCast. It found that a vast majority of Americans feel very stressed at work; that 78% rated their job stress at seven or higher on a 10-point scale. And that was a jump from the 2017 CareerCast stress survey, which found that 69% scored their job stress seven or higher.

The most common stress factor cited was meeting deadlines (38% of respondents). Keep in mind that the average American between 25 and 54 spends 40.3 hours per week at work, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. That’s approximately one-quarter of the entire week; a third of waking time for those who sleep an average of seven hours per night. When you include travel time to and from work, that increases it further. Continue reading →

Richard Branson Speaks About Happiness and Success

By Douglas LaBier • August 12, 2019

Billionaire Richard Branson displays a strong sense of adventure and love of life in his business and orientation to life in general. In a recent interview with Deep Patel in Entrepreneur, he describes 8 keys to happiness and success – which strike me as a great perspective for engaging with life: in your work, relationships, and sense of purpose; of meaning, in your overall life.

Patel points out that, according to Branson, creating such a life is pretty simple: love others, be grateful for all you have, be kind and be mindful. Oh, and “Never say no, just keep going until you succeed.”

Branson’s keys to happiness and success?

1. Don’t measure your success by the amount of money you make.

Too often, people measure their success by how much money they make, but Branson assures us that if we’re having fun and focusing on making the world a better place, the money will come.

In an article posted on his LinkedIn page, Branson wrote: “It’s a common misconception that money is every entrepreneur’s metric for success. It’s not, and nor should it be. I’ve never gone into business to make money.”

No matter what you have achieved in life, you should always feel there is more to be done. Success is a moving target — it’s about striving to continue growing, but also appreciating what you have in the moment.

2. Unplug and focus on face-to-face conversation.

Like most of us, Branson loves technology, but he also sees its limits, especially when it comes between him and those he cares for. Nothing can replace a face-to-face conversation or being in the moment — and for that you have to be willing to put your devices aside, he says.

Branson tries hard to focus his attention on whoever he is with. He works at actively listening and taking notes during meetings, and he makes it a point to put aside his cell phone and keep his attention centered on family during dinner. He also encourages others to put their technology down when they’re in a social setting… at least for a little while. “We can all be more present in our own lives. I really believe that being in the moment is the key to happiness and success — and being constantly glued to your phone can have a big impact on your relationships,” Branson writes.

3. Have fun in everything you do.

If you aren’t having fun, you’re doing it wrong. In everything you do, you should find ways to enjoy and appreciate your life, says Branson. In other words, instead of working to live, you should live to work — because work is fun and enjoyable. Continue reading →

Five Ways To Spike Your Love Relationship

By Douglas LaBier • June 26, 2019

I frequently receive inquiries and questions about articles I’ve written here about intimate relationships. For example, I’m asked for more information about why so many “techniques” to improve romance and sex tend to fail. About how to reverse the decline into a “dead zone” that many couples experience over time. How you can keep sex and romance alive in the midst of daily life challenges. Or how the rise of affairs, polyamory, and the “open marriage” might impact your own relationship.

One thing is certain from the concerns I hear: The nature of our emotional, sexual, and intimate relationships is evolving in our society. Increasingly, men and women – straight and gay – are becoming open to different forms and varieties of partnership. Those who want to keep a mutually committed relationship alive and growing look for ways to do that, successfully. They know that doing so is challenging in this changing era, especially so, as we change over time — emotionally, physically and in our vision of life.

Fads won’t do it. But here are five ways that can:

1. Open yourself to awareness that you can’t “change” your partner – ever. You can’t “make” him or her be different than they are; or who you want them to be. They may choose to change, or grow in a different direction, but for their own reasons. The only impact you have is to be accepting of who your partner is, to begin with; rather than showing disappointment, disapproval, or pressure to change. There must have been something positive that drew you to your partner to begin with. Who is that person today, in real-time? Acknowledging that, them you can decide if it generates continuing caring and love – including the reality of your partner’s “flaws” or “imperfections;” or if it doesn’t. If the latter, then you have to decide how you want to deal with that. Dong this is what I describe as “creative indifference.” Continue reading →

“Bottom Line” Mentality: Less Employee Respect And Loyalty

By Douglas LaBier • June 11, 2019

A new study finds that profit-driven managers actually undercut bottom line measures, by losing the respect of their employees, who counter by withholding performance. According to Matthew Quade, the lead researcher of the Baylor University study, “Supervisors who focus only on profits to the exclusion of caring about other important outcomes, such as employee well-being or environmental or ethical concerns, turn out to be detrimental to employees.”

Moreover, “This results in relationships that are marked by distrust, dissatisfaction and lack of affection for the supervisor. And ultimately, that leads to employees who are less likely to complete tasks at a high level and less likely to go above and beyond the call of duty.”

The research found that even if employees maintain a bottom line mentality themselves, they would prefer for their managers to focus on interpersonal aspects of the job that foster healthier social exchange relationships with their employees in addition to the bottom line. The researchers pointed out that “Supervisors undoubtedly face heavy scrutiny for the performance levels of their employees, and as such they may tend to emphasize the need for employees to pursue bottom-line outcomes at the exclusion of other competing priorities, such as ethical practices, personal development or building social connections in the workplace,” the researchers wrote. “However, in doing so they may have to suffer the consequence of reduced employee respect, loyalty and even liking.” Continue reading →

Want Greater Mental Health? Plunge Forward Into The Unknown!

By Douglas LaBier • May 31, 2019

“All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience. There are two paths to take; one back towards the comforts and security of death, the other forward, to “nowhere.” —Henry Miller

The general public has become more aware and open about recognizing mental health issues that can affect anyone. This increased awareness is aided, no doubt, by well-known celebrities from the entertainment, sports and music industries who’ve spoken about their own struggles, and the benefit they’ve experienced from psychotherapy. It feels liberating when you’re able to heal from trauma and dysfunction in your life. But that’s not the end of the story. Rather, that gives you the foundation to discover what mental health really is, and what promotes it as your life continues onward. That is, what lies “beyond healing?”

The answer may lie in a theme that’s visible when you look at the connection between the benefits of therapy and some perspectives usually excluded from traditional mental health thinking. The former is visible in what some people describe as they reflect on what they’re aiming for in their lives ahead, as they absorb the healing benefits of their therapy. As they turn their attention to “now, what?” they often encounter perspectives and teachings similar to those of many philosophical and spiritual traditions. Interestingly, the implications of that connection for mental health — beyond healing — are supported by recent empirical studies, as I describe below.

In essence, the theme is this: Mental health grows from creating and pursuing an ideal vision and path for yourself; one that you feel pulled towards as though by a magnet as you go forward in your life. That vision includes activating dormant dimensions of your personality; consciously growing and expanding them. It includes putting your energies in the service of something that reflects your interdependency and interconnection with the larger human community — not just your own “needs” or selfish desires. We all have those; it’s part of being human. But pursuing them too much is a dead end for mental health. Continue reading →

People Adapt To Social Diversity Over Time – Research Finds

By Douglas LaBier • May 14, 2019

A new joint study from Princeton University and Oxford has particular significance for today’s world and for political leadership here in the US. It finds that people can adapt to societal diversity and actually benefit from it. And, those in power especially set the tone for integrating people into a new society.

The researchers underscored that the policies of President Trump speak to those who feel threatened by what they perceive as a changing America. But those insecurities are unwarranted. With time, people can adapt to societal diversity and actually benefit from it. “If you give people who are different from you half a chance, they will integrate into society pretty well. It is when you purposefully push them out, or erect barriers against them, that problems are introduced,” said Douglas Massey, Henry G. Bryant Professor of Sociology and Public Affairs at Princeton’s Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs. “It’s important for our political leaders to set the right tone, so proper integration can occur.”

The research team examined 22 years of psychological, sociological, and demographic data from multiple waves of the World Values Survey, the European Social Survey, and the Latino Barometer Survey. Together the three datasets included more than 338,000 respondents interviewed in more than 100 countries. The investigators combined various measures of life satisfaction, happiness, and health to create a “quality of life index” for respondents to each survey. Then, they examined the association between this index and religious diversity. Unlike ethnicity and race, which aren’t always collected in surveys and are often measured using divergent categories, religion is well recorded using comparable categories. “Religion is a convenient way to look at the issue of social diversity,” Massey said.

The study, described more fully here, was published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS).

Credit: Rawpixil.com

An Overlooked Way To Reduce Stress and Increase Wellbeing

By Douglas LaBier April 9, 2019

We’re constantly flooded with articles about how to reduce or control stress in our multi-tasking, demanding lives; how to achieve “balance” and wellbeing in daily life. Such articles and books typically list five or so steps to achieving it all. In truth, none of them work or are lasting. That’s why there’s a continuous market for them: people keep looking for the next one that promises the same thing, but better. More importantly, these “solutions” have to fail because they don’t deal with what generates so much stress and conflict to begin with, in work, relationships, and in our overall way of life in today’s culture. And therefore they can’t identify what does truly enable greater wellbeing and fulfillment.

That failing brings to mind something the 18th Century Zen poet Hakuin wrote: “Not knowing how near the truth is, we seek it far away.” That the truth may be right in front of our eyes and easily accessible is highlighted by evidence from two illuminating recent studies about stress and wellbeing. Though unrelated, they show what can relieve stress in a simple way. And they point to what could heal the deeper, pervasive unhappiness and dissatisfaction so many people experience in today’s culture.

A Nature Pill?

The first study found that just taking twenty minutes during the day to be in contact with nature significantly lowers your stress hormone levels. That’s all? Just sitting outside where you feel contact with nature, or taking a walk in a natural environment, has a demonstrable impact?

According to MaryCarol Hunter, the lead author of the study from the University of Michigan, “…for the greatest payoff, in terms of efficiently lowering levels of the stress hormone cortisol, you should spend 20 to 30 minutes sitting or walking in a place that provides you with a sense of nature.”

The study, published in Frontiers in Psychology, was able to conclude that a twenty-minute nature experience was enough to significantly reduce cortisol levels. And if you spent a little more time immersed in a nature experience, 20 to 30 minutes sitting or walking, cortisol levels dropped at their greatest rate. Continue reading →

Our Understanding of Mental Health Is Transforming

By Douglas LaBier March 26, 2019

Our understanding of mental health – what undermines and what promotes it – is transforming from increasing recognition that we are integrated bio-psycho-social-spiritual beings. All dimensions of ourselves—from pre-birth to how we engage the environment in which we live— shape our emotional and mental experiences; our entire psychology.

Among the most significant sources of influence, long overlooked by our mental health professions, is how the food we consume affects our mental health. Interestingly, new research is confirming the old adage, “you are what you eat,”

Three recent but unrelated studies join to show how true that is. For example, specific foods contribute to a range of emotional problems, including more serious mental illness. Also, some foods can ease symptoms of depression. And overall, certain kind of food is known to enhance overall well-being and mental health.

Your Food and Emotional Disturbance

First, take a look at the relationships between certain foods and psychological health. A study from Loma Linda University found that adults who consumed more unhealthy food were also more likely to report symptoms of either moderate or severe psychological distress than their peers who consumed a healthier diet.

The study was conducted with California residents, but the findings link with other studies, in other countries, that found Increased sugar consumption associated with bipolar disorder, for example. And, that consumption of foods that have been fried or contain high amounts of sugar and processed grains are linked with depression.

The Loma Linda study found that poor mental health is linked with poor diet quality — regardless of personal characteristics such as gender age, education, age, marital status, and income level. It found that nearly 17 percent of California adults are likely to suffer from mental illness — 13.2 percent with moderate psychological distress and 3.7 percent with severe psychological distress. The study was published in the International Journal of Food Sciences and Nutrition.

Some Foods Can Alleviate Depression

On the positive side, another study of 46,000 people has found that weight loss, nutrient-boosting and fat reduction diets can all reduce the symptoms of depression. That study, from the University of Manchester, combined data from clinical trials of diets for mental health conditions. It found evidence that dietary improvement significantly reduces symptoms of depression. Moreover, all types of dietary improvement appeared to have equal effects on mental health, with weight loss, fat reduction or nutrient-improving diets all having similar benefits for depressive symptoms. Continue reading →

What Is Gratitude? What Difference Does It Make to Feel It?

by Douglas LaBier February 25, 2019

Originally published on Psychology Today

No question, life in today’s world can feel overwhelming with responsibilities, stress, and problems to deal with. So much so, that you probably remind yourself to “stop and smell the roses,” sometimes. You might think you need that time-out…before plunging right back into the fray. Or, you might reflect more broadly on being more grateful for everything you have at this point in your life – despite all the problems and conflicts you’re dealing with. But what does feeling “grateful” truly mean? And does it matter, when you have to carry on with your life in the “real world?”

Well, I can tell you that the findings of some recent research mesh with people’s experiences during psychotherapy, and they reveal interesting answers to those questions. But they’re different from what you might think. In essence, gratitude is different from just pausing to appreciate or acknowledge what you have. Moreover, there’s a direct link between experiencing a deeper form of gratitude and increasing your physical and emotional well-being. That is, it increases the health of your entire being – psychologically, physically and spiritually. All are interwoven

First, let’s look at the experience of more complete gratitude that we easily ignore. It extends beyond just feeling appreciative about whatever’s going “right” in your life. It includes all that – everything you’ve acquired and felt secure about – whether your relationship, your financial situation, your material positions, your own and your loved ones’ health. Those make up the outer layer of gratitude. As enjoyable as they are to reflect on and embrace — especially if you’re fortunate to “have” them all — they’re all external “possessions” really. Ultimately ephemeral and transitory. Everything changes and dissolves with time. Nothing you now “have” will last, including your own life. Interestingly, a recent study from Baylor University and summarized in BioSpace, found that the more highly materialistic people are less happy are with their lives than those who are less focused on material wealth and possessions.

The Inner Core of Gratitude

Of course, you value and appreciate that outer ring of gratitude. But there’s an inner core, a deeper experience of gratitude, and it underlies greater health and wellbeing in life. That inner core is inner life awareness of your continuous, intimate connection with all of life, in all its forms; awareness of just being alive, in this moment of time. It’s often aroused in unexpected moments. For example, an unanticipated moment of awakening to your being part of a continuous whole, from the beginning of time. It might happen walking in nature, or in the middle of the city, out of the blue. It unleashes a perspective that propels you beyond your own life situation, conflicts or disappointments, no matter how debilitating they feel in the moment. It also expands your vision beyond the pleasures you appreciate within that outer ring of gratitude. In fact, that deeper awakening stimulates energy, hope, and resilience that can help guide you through the debilitating situations or fears you might be dealing with at this moment of life.

Poets and writers often capture the essence of such a deeper, more core experience of gratitude. For example, this passage by the poet Mary Oliver: “Ten times a day something happens to me like this – some strengthening throb of amazement – some good sweet empathic ping and swell. This is the first, the wildest and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness.”

Or the writer Peter Matthiessen: “To ‘rest in the present’ is a state of magical simplicity…out of the emptiness can come a true insight into our natural harmony all creation…that we take this moment for what it is, undistracted, and not cloud it with needless worries of what might have been or fantasies of what might come to be.”

Gratitude, Your Health, and Your Wellbeing

Several studies link gratitude with increased health and well-being. For example, a summary of some of them from the University of California at Davis, finds “The practice of gratitude can lower blood pressure, improve immune function and facilitate more efficient sleep. Gratitude reduces lifetime risk for depression, anxiety and substance abuse disorders, and is a key resiliency factor in the prevention of suicide.”

Moreover, the UC Davis report shows that grateful people engage in more exercise, have better dietary behaviors, are less likely to smoke and abuse alcohol, and have higher rates of medication adherence – factors that translate into a healthier and happier life. Gratitude is also associated with higher levels of good cholesterol (HDL), lower levels of bad cholesterol (LDL), and lower systolic and diastolic blood pressure, both at rest and in the face of stress. It also has been linked with a state of harmony in the nervous system and heart rate that is equated with less stress and mental clarity.

There’s more: Gratitude also lowers levels of creatinine, an indicator of the kidney’s ability to filter waste from the bloodstream, and lowers levels of C-reactive protein, a marker of cardiac inflammation and heart disease. As lead author Robert A. Emmons pointed out, “Gratitude blocks toxic emotions, such as envy, resentment, regret and depression, which can destroy our happiness,”

Other studies show similar findings linking gratitude with health and well-being. For example, research from the University of Montana and published in the Review of Communication found that gratitude is associated with psychological well-being and increased positive states such as life satisfaction, vitality, hope, and optimism. It also contributes to decreased levels of depression, anxiety, envy, and job-related stress and burnout. Moreover, people who experience and express gratitude have reported fewer symptoms of physical illness, more exercise, and better quality of sleep

Such findings are consistent with what people experience from healing and growth during psychotherapy. It can enhance that broader experience of gratitude, both the inner core and outer ring. That occurs as people develop beyond healing and coping with their personal or career conflicts, and towards embracing those sudden moments of clarity and awareness – of being one small part of all life, itself.

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Are Open Relationships as Healthy as Monogamous Ones? Yes!

By Douglas LaBier January 22, 2019

Accumulating research from several sources underscore that our society is evolving in many realms. A major example is the new generational transformation underway via the highly diverse “post-millennials.” Their shifts in attitudes and behavior will have significant impact upon our country, as the Pew Research Center has reported. Perhaps the most significant and pervasive change occurring in American society is the form of intimate relationships that men and women desire, seek and engage in, today.

That is, the features of a relationship that people find healthy and satisfying is broadening and diversifying. I’ve described some of those shifts here, writing about the increasing visibility of polyamory and “serial non-monogamy;” My explanation of why some affairs are psychologically healthy. And, the increasing acceptance of open relationships. This broad shift is visible across generations, and extends into the lives of aging baby boomers, even.

The open relationship in particular is moving into the mainstream. See, for example, the recent New York Times article highlighting it. The open relationship first became more visible some decades ago, when a book and a movie brought it into greater popular awareness. Of course, such arrangements had long existed; just not spoken about so openly. Most recently, an interesting new study examined the open relationship empirically, to determine its impact on participants’ emotions, sexuality and behavior.

In essence, the study found that partners in open relationships are as happy, satisfied, and experience well-being equally to those in monogamous relationships.

“We found people in consensual, non-monogamous relationships experience the same levels of relationship satisfaction, psychological well-being and sexual satisfaction as those in monogamous relationships,” said lead author Jessica Wood “This debunks societal views of monogamy as being the ideal relationship structure.”

For purposes of this study from the University of Guelph, an open relationship was defined as one that’s consensual and non-monogamous; in which all partners agree to engage in multiple sexual or romantic relationships, as they wish. The researchers pointed out that between three and seven per cent of people in North America are currently in a consensual, non-monogamous relationship. And that it’s more common than many people may think.

According to Wood, “We are at a point in social history where we are expecting a lot from our partners. We want to have sexual fulfillment and excitement but also emotional and financial support. Trying to fulfill all these needs can put pressure on relationships. To deal with this pressure, we are seeing some people look to consensually non-monogamous relationships.”

From my own work with men, women, and couples over the decades, I find that the old stigmas about open relationships – as well as the other forms of intimacy I cited above – are fading away. That fact is, people’s actual lives and relationship practices are ahead of the culture. The norms of the latter are visible in the researchers’ observation that open relationships are still “…perceived as immoral and less satisfying. It’s assumed that people in these types of relationships are having sex with everyone all the time. They are villainized and viewed as bad people in bad relationships, but that’s not the case.” That gap is visible when you look at the range of comments following the New York Times article, for example. Or, those following my article on healthy affairs.

Interestingly, the study found that people in non-monogamous relationships were just as satisfied with the relationship they had with their main partner as those in monogamous ones. Moreover, Wood added, “If you are fulfilling your psychological needs and are satisfied sexually, you are more likely to be happy in your partnership no matter the relationship structure.”

And that’s key: A relationship that’s fulfilling — emotionally, sexually and spiritually – having a sense of connection, and being on the same “wavelength,” is what most people seek. And that’s independent of the form it takes, conventional or otherwise.

The study was conducted with over 140 people in non-monogamous relationships and more than 200 in monogamous ones, and was published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

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This article was originally published in Psychology Today

Feeling Grateful? It Increases Your Emotional and Physical Health

By Douglas LaBier December 18, 2018

More evidence of the interwoven nature of our mind, body, spirit and behavior: Accumulating research shows that gratitude — feeling it and practicing it — has a clear and sustaining positive impact on your overall well-being and engagement with the world.

In a summary of recent studies from the University of California at Davis, researcher Robert A. Emmons says “The practice of gratitude can lower blood pressure, improve immune function and facilitate more efficient sleep. Gratitude reduces lifetime risk for depression, anxiety and substance abuse disorders, and is a key resiliency factor in the prevention of suicide.”

Moreover, according to the UC Davis report, studies show that grateful people engage in more exercise, have better dietary behaviors, are less likely to smoke and abuse alcohol, and have higher rates of medication adherence – factors that translate into a healthier and happier life.

According to Emmons, gratitude works because it allows individuals to celebrate the present and be an active participant in their own lives. By valuing and appreciating friends, oneself, situations and circumstances, it focuses the mind on what an individual already has rather than something that’s absent and is needed,

Gratitude is associated with higher levels of good cholesterol (HDL), lower levels of bad cholesterol (LDL), and lower systolic and diastolic blood pressure, both at rest and in the face of stress. It also has been linked with higher levels of heart rate variability, a marker of cardiac coherence, or a state of harmony in the nervous system and heart rate that is equated with less stress and mental clarity.

Gratitude also lowers levels of creatinine, an indicator of the kidney’s ability to filter waste from the bloodstream, and lowers levels of C-reactive protein, a marker of cardiac inflammation and heart disease. “Gratitude blocks toxic emotions, such as envy, resentment, regret and depression, which can destroy our happiness,” Emmons said. “It’s impossible to feel envious and grateful at the same time.”

Emmons believes a successful gratitude practice starts with recognizing what you’re grateful for, acknowledging it and appreciating it. “Setting aside time on a daily basis to recall moments of gratitude associated with ordinary events, your personal attributes, or valued people in your life gives you the potential to interweave a sustainable life theme of gratefulness.”

Credit: CPD Archive.

How Music Evokes Positive Emotions Through Memories

By Douglas LaBier December 4, 2018

We’ve all had experiences like this: Hearing a song or piece of music that stirs up a range of emotions. A new study shows how very strong, positive emotions can be triggered by music; and also by pictures. The study, from the University of Jyvaskyla in Finland, and summarized here, examined how memories are able to influence our emotional responses induced by music and images. The researchers enlisted volunteers who brought music The volunteers who participated in this study brought music and images to the experiment which evoked pleasure based on their own personal memories, as well as other pieces of music and pictures that operated similarly but the pleasure was not related to memories but just to the way the music sounds or the picture looks.

Researchers reported that he most fascinating insight that the study yielded concerned the contribution of memory, which led to strong emotional reactions in the case of music and pictures, including positive and negative emotions. These results were particularly strong for social and positive emotions such as tenderness and joy but the important boosting of the emotional experiences by personal memories was also apparent in the case of sad emotions for both music and pictures. Music typically did not really induce strong sad emotions, whereas pictures were able to trigger such negative emotional experiences.

For a summary of the study and how it was conducted, click here. It was published in the journal Nature.

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‘Post-Millennials’ Emerging As The Most Diverse, Best-Educated Generation

By Douglas LaBier November 20, 2018

Change is inevitable and relentless. But when it occurs in ways that disrupt your sense of “what’s always been,” it can be hard to embrace it and “evolve” with it. We see evidence of that in the political and social attitudes of some segments of our society.

Some new demographic data from the Pew Research Center shows another emerging shift emerging, today: They are the attitudes, behavior and lifestyle of the “post-millennials,” which will alter the fabric of the United States in many ways.

They include:

Nearly half of post-Millennials are racial or ethnic minorities.
More post-Millennials are pursuing college.
Post-Millennials are more likely than Millennials to live with a college-educated parent.

The report states that this emerging generation is already the most racially and ethnically diverse,, as a bare majority of 6- to 21-year-olds (52%) are non-Hispanic whites. And while most are still pursuing their K-12 education, the oldest post-Millennials are enrolling in college at a significantly higher rate than Millennials were at a comparable age. Moreover, the parents of post-Millennials are more well educated than the parents of Millennials and those of previous generations, and this pattern most likely contributes to the relative affluence of the households in which post-Millennials live.

Other key findings:

The oldest post-Millennials are less likely than their predecessors to be in the labor force. Only 58% of today’s 18- to 21-year-olds worked in the prior calendar year; this compares with 72% of Millennial 18- to 21-year-olds in 2002. And employment among post-Millennials is less likely to be full-time compared with earlier generations.
The living arrangements of post-Millennial children are similar to those of Millennials when they were growing up. About two-thirds (65%) of today’s 6- to 17-year-olds live with two married parents, slightly lower than the share (68%) of Millennials in that age range who lived in this type of household in 2002.
The median household income of post-Millennials exceeds that of earlier generations when they were young. The typical post-Millennial in 2018 lives in a household with an annual income of roughly $63,700 after adjusting for household size. That is slightly higher than the income for the typical household in which Millennials grew up.

For the full report, click here.

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Do Happy Older People Live Longer? Research Says Yes

November 6, 2018

Here’s some good news: A new study has found that an increase in happiness is directly related to a longer life. Needless to say, the challenge for individuals and societies is to determine what happiness and wellbeing consist of in today’s world — and and then promoting it through public policies.

But let’s take a look at the research: The study was based on 4,478 participants of a nationally-representative survey that examined the association between happiness and the subsequent likelihood of dying due to any cause, between 2009 and 2015. The survey was focused on individuals 60 years and older living in Singapore. The research, conducted by Duke-NUS Medical School was published in the journal Age and Ageing,

As described in this summary, the researchers found that among happy older people, 15% died prior to the end of 2015. But it was 20% among unhappy older people. Every increase of one point on the happiness score lowered the chance of dying due to any cause among participants by an additional nine percent. The likelihood of dying due to any cause was 19 percent lower for happy older people. The inverse association of happiness with mortality was consistently present among men and women, and among the young-old (aged 60-79 years) and the old-old (aged 75 years or older).

“The findings indicate that even small increments in happiness may be beneficial to older people’s longevity,” explained senior author Rahul Malhotra. “Therefore individual-level activities as well as government policies and programs that maintain or improve happiness or psychological well-being may contribute to a longer life among older people.”

June May-Ling Lee, a co-author, added that the consistency of the data about the association of happiness with mortality across age groups and gender shows that all men and women – the young-old and the old-old, — all are likely to benefit from an increase in happiness.

Previous studies have linked happiness or positive emotions with a range of better health outcomes, but the evidence on the effect of happiness on living longer has been inconclusive. Many previous studies have found happiness to be associated with a lower likelihood of dying, but this link disappears once differences in demographic, lifestyle and health factors between those less and more happy are accounted for. This study, however, assessed the association between happiness and mortality among older people, while accounting for several social factors, such as loneliness and social network.

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Believe In Your Superior Knowledge? You Know Less Than You Think!

October 23, 2018

A new study finds that people who are convinced of their superior knowledge about some subject – political issues, economic matters, societal trends, for example – actually have less real knowledge than they think: There’s a gap between their perceived and actual knowledge.

The research, from the University of Michigan and described in this summary, looked at how well those people were informed on the topics about which they held superiority beliefs. Across five studies the researchers found that those people with the highest belief superiority also tended to have the largest gap between their perceived and actual knowledge. They maintained the illusion that they were better informed than they were. In fact, those with the lowest belief superiority tended to underestimate how much they knew.

Or, as the researchers put it in more academic language, “Belief superiority is unassociated with true knowledge of many political issues.”

The researchers also looked at whether people with belief superiority sought out new information relevant to that belief. They found that those with higher belief-superiority were more likely to select information congruent with their belief. That is, despite being badly informed compared to their self-perception, they chose to neglect sources of information that would enhance their knowledge.

One encouraging finding: If they were told that people with beliefs like theirs tended to score poorly on topic knowledge, or if they were directly told that their score on the topic knowledge quiz was low, this tended to reduce their belief superiority, That’s hopeful!

The study was published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

Credit: CPD Archive

Will Hardships In Life Increase Your Wisdom?

October 9, 2018

Some people think that wisdom increases with age. Yet we see many examples of people who become more bitter, cynical and unpleasant as they age – hardly the hallmarks of wisdom. We tend to think of the latter as reflecting a broader, more understanding and tolerant perspective about life’s ups and downs; especially if rooted in difficult life experiences. But I can say that clinically speaking, the growth of “wisdom” is more complex than that: There’s not a straight iine path from adversity to a wise outlook and behavior. It depends greatly on how you experienced the hardship or traumatic life event; what resources you had available to you for help – internal capacities or external, social support; what you learned from it, and whether that learning energized a new outlook. For some people, wisdom emerges, depending on that combination of resources and how they responded to them. For others, the outcome might be no change whatsoever.

New research has looked at this link between hardships in life and wisdom, and it found empirical evidence for what I described above. It confirms what we see in people’s lives from a mental health perspective. The study, described here, was led by Carolyn Aldwin at Oregon State University, The findings indicate that it’s not just about surviving hard times, but how we deal with difficulties and what we’re able to learn from the experiences.

The researchers interviewed 50 people — 14 men and 36 women — aged 56–91 and asked them to describe the most difficult event that they had experienced in their lives, how they overcame it, and whether or not the event became a turning point that affected their perspective and actions. Thirty-two of the respondents viewed difficult life events as a landmark in their journey through life. For these people, hardships were trials that disrupted “their sense of competence, feelings of safety and predictability, and understandings of their world,” heavily rewriting their personal identity. “For these folks,” explains Aldwin, “the event really rocked their boat and challenged how they saw life and themselves.”
Continue reading →

Midlife and Stressed From Work? It Will Damage Your Mental Health

September 25, 2018

This isn’t a surprise, but new research published in The Lancet Psychiatry and described here found that if you’re in midlife and feel stressed, overworked and powerless, you’re at higher risk for developing mental health problems than others who don’t share that experience in their work.

According to Sabir Giga, author of an accompanying editorial in The Lancet report, “For individual workers, it’s important to recognize that persistent and long-term stress could lead to physical and mental health conditions. Demanding jobs may be unavoidable, but we can make changes in our lives that allow more control and flexibility in how much we work and the way we do it.”

That’s the challenge, of course, and it’s rooted in the management culture and practices of organizational leadership. And that’s where I find most organizations fail to identify what is required by leadership to support. worker wellbeing and positive commitment.

This study is based on nearly 7000 workers in the UK, but I think its core findings are similar to those found among US workers as well. The workers in this study, averaging around 45 years of age, had never been diagnosed with depression, anxiety or other disorders. Overall, about one-third reported having little control over what they did at work, and slightly more than one-fourth described their jobs as very demanding and stressful. By age 50, workers who reported high levels of job strain five years earlier were more than twice as likely to be diagnosed with mental health disorders as the people who had low-stress jobs. With demanding jobs, workers were 70 percent more likely to develop a mental illness by age 50, the study also found. And people who reported having little control over their work were 89 percent more likely to be diagnosed with psychological disorders.
Continue reading →

In And Out Of Your Relationship? Harmful To Your Mental Health!

September 4, 2018

Do you have a pattern of breaking-up-and-making up with your partner? If so, you’re not alone: Research finds that 60 percent of adults have experienced on-and-off relationships. No surprise: that’s a frequent storyline of movie and TV relationships.

But have you ever thought about how that pattern affects your mental health? Or, what it may reflect about yourself and the kinds of relationships–or partners–you seek?

If so, what might you need to know about building a sustaining, positive relationship; one that supports mental health and well-being for yourself and your partner?

New research from the University of Missouri sheds some light on these questions. It finds that the back-and-forth relationship pattern has a negative impact on mental health. Specifically, the data from over 500 people in current relationships found such a pattern was associated with increased anxiety and depression. Moreover, the researchers found that the breaking up-and-reuniting pattern was associated with higher rates of abuse, lower levels of communication, and poorer communication.

Kale Monk, the lead author of the study, published in Family Relations and described here, pointed out–correctly–that people who recognize themselves in this pattern need to “look under the hood of their relationship” to figure out what they are doing in their relationships. Doing so, however, can be difficult, even frightening, as most people who seek therapy for themselves or as a couple can attest. And then, what you can actually do to break the pattern and create a lasting relationship is another major challenge.

The authors of the study offer some good advice, per se, such as examining the why’s and how’s that led to breaking up; and that you should focus on the positives in the relationship, in order to reconcile permanently. Of course, that assumes that the relationship hasn’t become toxic and inherently unhealthy.

The problem is that following the author’s advice is easier said than done. But there are some ways to engage with a partner with self-awareness and openness that can strengthen the likelihood of a sustainable, positive connection.

For example:

Review and learn from what you’ve done in previous relationships. What draws you to partners? What led to the breakup–or reconnection? What have you’ve learned, or haven’t? I call this doing a “relationship inventory.”

Practice “forgetting yourself” in the relationship. That means becoming aware that your relationship is a third entity that needs to be served and serviced in its own right. That’s a different perspective and way of relating from serving just your own needs and desires, especially when that triggers domination or submission from either of you.

Learn to be transparent with each other. Showing your own –and being receptive to your partner’s–desires, fears, hopes, vulnerabilities. If you commit to doing that, you’re planting the seeds for growing intimacy and a sustaining relationship–one that becomes stronger over time rather than a revolving door.

A version of this article was also published in Psychology Today

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Self-Defeating Humor Promotes Well-Being

August 21, 2018

This new study provides empirical evidence for what I’ve always observed in psychotherapy: that the most significant indicator of a good prognosis — a positive, healthy resolution of conflicts — is the person’s capacity to laugh at themselves. The perspective that allows one to see his or her emotional issues from the “outside,” and laugh at one’s foibles, distorted relationships, and personality traits, indicates greater likelihood of healthier psychological growth and development.

The new study, from the University of Grenada, reports that that individuals who frequently use self-defeating humor—aimed at gaining the approval of others through self-mockery—exhibit greater levels of psychological well-being.

The findings contradict some previous research which suggested that self-defeating humour is exclusively associated with negative psychological effects among individuals who regularly employ this style of humor.

According to Jorge Torres Marín, one of the researchers, “In particular, we have observed that a greater tendency to employ self-defeating humor is indicative of high scores in psychological well-being dimensions such as happiness and, to a lesser extent, sociability.”

The researchers indicated that some styles of humor are adaptive – such as humor aimed at strengthening social relationships. Another type, self-enhancing humor, entails maintaining a humorous outlook in potentially stressful and adverse situations. And these types of humor have consistently been linked to indicators of positive psychological well-being such as happiness, satisfaction with life, hope, etc. but also to more negative states such as depression and anxiety. For the full report, click here.

The research was published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences.

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Why We Need To Talk About Burnout In The Tech Industry

July 24, 2018

This article by Laurence Bradford in Forbes quotes my views about the importance of supporting the mental health of employees: “Business psychologist and psychotherapist Douglas LaBier, Ph.D., has dedicated decades to studying the connection between people’s work and their mental/emotional health, and working personally with those affected. ‘Why is it important for companies to care about employees’ mental health?’ asks LaBier. ‘That’s like growing a vegetable garden and then asking why it’s important to provide water and adequate sunlight. A company has the objective of a productive, profitable and sustainable business, and the mental health of employees is central to that.'”

Bradford writes,

Everyone has stressful days at work. But for some employees, it’s not just once in a while when Monday rolls around; instead, stress is their daily reality. Over time, this can lead to full-on employee burnout. Burnout is especially common in the fast-paced, competitive environment of the tech industry. But how common is it, what are the consequences, why should we care and what can employers do to de-stress their workforce?

For the complete article, click here.

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The Guilt-Inducing Psychology of Unlimited Vacation Time

July 10, 2018

An article in New York Magazine‘s The Cut by Katie Heaney looks at the impact of an unlimited vacation policy may have on workers and organizations. She worked in several quotes from me about the impact this may have upon some people, prone to guilt…or distrust!

She writes,

It feels like a gift: Unlimited vacation time. It sounds so … European. Many companies (particularly in the start-up and tech spheres) are starting to offer it to their employees in lieu of the more traditional model, in which a fixed number of vacation days are either given outright or accrued. More recently popularized by Richard Branson, the unlimited-vacation model is predicated on the idea that happy, rested employees make for successful companies, and that most people, if given the option, won’t abuse such a policy. This much, it seems, is true. In fact, early research shows that employees with so-called unlimited vacation actually take fewer days off on average than their limited vacation counterparts: 13 days as opposed to 15. For many employees, unlimited vacation simply feels too good to be true.

Douglas LaBier, a business psychologist and director of the Center for Progressive Development, a nonprofit consulting organization, says part of the challenge here has to do with the gap between what companies claim to want to be versus the values espoused by their actions. “As there’s a push to try to make a work culture a more supportive, team-oriented kind of culture that promotes and rewards innovation and creativity, that can clash with old top-down command and control policies,” says LaBier. “So if a culture has been more traditional, and then it says they’re going to try unlimited vacation, that can create some backlash.” It’s not that employees are ungrateful for policies like these — it’s that they’re not used to them, and unfamiliar developments in familiar settings are … scary. (And, okay fine, some employees are mad about it; see this very active Reddit thread on the subject.)

For the full article, click here.

Credit: The Cut

Are Millennial Men Rejecting “Manhood”?

June 26, 2018

In this era of #MeToo, and controversy about “toxic masculinity,” some new research is very relevant: It indicates a shift is underway in how young men envision “manhood” — in their attitudes, their values, and their behavior — in their relationships, their careers, and their view of “success.” I think we’re in the midst of a generational evolution with large-scale societal and political implications.

To illustrate, one study of over 600 millennial-aged men found that they are likely to be selfless, in contrast to the old “looking out for number one” attitude. They are also socially engaged with issues and causes and are highly health-conscious.

Overall, this study from the University of British of Columbia found that the masculine value they most strongly endorsed was selflessness. As described in this report, “Ninety-one per cent of the men agreed that a man should help other people, and 80 percent believed that a man should give back to the community. Openness also ranked highly — 88 per cent said a man should be open to new ideas, new experiences, and new people — and so did health, with a majority of participants saying that men should be healthy or in good shape.”

Moreover, the traditionally “male” values ranked lower on the scale. They are still valued by the majority of participants, but less so than other values. For example, 75 per cent of the men said that a man should have physical strength, compared with 87 per cent who said a man should have intellectual strength, and 83 per cent who said emotional strength. Autonomy was also ranked lower, with 78 per cent saying that a man should be “independent.”

I think these findings are significant as generational shifts continue. Although the study was conducted with men from Western Canada, they likely reflect a broad, growing theme among the attitudes and values among younger people who enter adulthood in an increasingly diverse, interconnected world. As lead author John Oliffe said, they “…seem to be holding masculine values that are distinctly different from those of previous generations. These values may run counter to long-standing claims that young men are typically hedonistic, hypercompetitive, and that they risk or neglect their health.” Added co-author Nick Black, they “…are expanding their definition of masculinity to include values like openness and well-being. The study was published in Psychology of Men & Masculinity.

We’re also witnessing the impact of millennial values — among both men and women — upon the workplace, in how they deal with their work and careers. For example, a new study finds that millennials are prone to leave their jobs when they experience a “values gap” between themselves and the workplace culture – particularly around sustainability issues.

That’s especially notable because it contrasts with older generations. That is, many people report great dissatisfaction and dislike with their management and leadership culture, as many surveys and polls show. But most tend to suffer emotionally and physically; often frozen in place, perhaps from fear of losing what they already have, or insecurity about change.

Millennials appear to have a different mentality altogether. A summary of this new study from the University of Missouri reports that millennials tend to job hop – something well known about them, and that older workers don’t understand. And a major reason is that they feel a disconnection between their personal values and the workplace culture. As one of the researchers, Rachel LoMonaco-Benzing explained, “Not only did we find a gap, but we also found that workers were much more likely to leave a job if they felt their values were not reflected in the workplace.”

Co-author Jung Ha-Brookshire added “They have been raised with a sense of pro-social, pro-environment values, and they are looking to be engaged. If they find that a company doesn’t honor these values and contributions, many either will try to change the culture or find employment elsewhere.” The researchers say that companies need to understand that the new generation of workers have high ethical and social expectations. The study was published in the journal Sustainability.

All of these changes in values, attitudes and behavior among millennials are likely to have increasing impact on all realms of our society in the years ahead. Stay tuned!

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A version of the article previously appeared in Psychology Today

Will Your Relationship Have A Short Shelf-Life? How To Tell

June 5, 2018

Whether you’re hoping to heal conflict in your relationship; or if things are going well and you want to sustain your good connection on into the future, you know that doing either is complicated. To establish and sustain a romantic and sexual relationship is a challenge in many ways: Understanding each other on a deep, intimate level; fostering honest communication; growing your intimacy. All are difficult, especially in today’s world of multiple demands, everyday stress and responsibilities. Paradoxically, the most unlikely looking relationships often prove to be the most sustaining. And those that appear made in heaven often dissolve, to the consternation of friends and family. Why is this?

What can help you clear these muddy waters is learning what knowledge we have about relationships that succeed or fail; that result in a short shelf-life or continued growth. Some of the most useful information reflects academic, empirical research that validates what we know and observe clinically, from people’s real life, everyday situations and experiences. That is, when academic research data and clinical findings go hand-in-hand.

The problem is that they often don’t. And that creates confusion and misleading information. Recently I came across two different studies that illustrate the downside of that kind of academic research. It usually consists of pre-and post-tests of questions about situations that the researchers think mimic “real life.” And then, flawed or naïve conclusions are drawn from the results.

To explain, let’s look at two recent studies. Their conclusions don’t help clarify when a relationship might be in danger, or might last. But that very failure points to what you need to know that can be helpful. One study of 151 heterosexual men and women, concluded that those who are most attracted to “bling” – material wealth, flashy possessions, and the like – will prefer short-term relationships. Continue reading →

Millennial Men Value Altruism And Self-Care Above Traditional Male Qualities

May 22, 2018

Here’s some encouraging news: A new study of 630 millennial-aged men finds that contrary to popular stereotypes, young men today are likely to be selfless, socially engaged and health-conscious. The research found that the most strongly endorsed masculine value is selflessness. According to the research, from the University of British Columbia, “Ninety-one per cent of the men agreed that a man should help other people, and 80 per cent believed that a man should give back to the community. Openness also ranked highly—88 per cent said a man should be open to new ideas, new experiences, and new people—and so did health, with a majority of participants saying that men should be healthy or in good shape.”

Although the study was conducted with men in Western Canada, I think it reflects a broad, growing theme among attitudes and values among younger generations in today’s increasingly diverse, connected world

As described in this report, more traditionally “male” values ranked lower on the scale, but were still valued by the majority of participants. Seventy-five per cent of the men said that a man should have physical strength, compared with those who said a man should have intellectual strength (87 per cent) or emotional strength (83 per cent). Autonomy also tracked lower with 78 per cent of the men agreeing that a man should be “independent.”

“Young Canadian men seem to be holding masculine values that are distinctly different from those of previous generations. These values may run counter to long-standing claims that young men are typically hedonistic, hypercompetitive, and that they risk or neglect their health,” said lead author John Oliffe. Nick Black, a co-author, believes many young Canadian men are expanding their definition of masculinity to include values like openness and well-being.

“As a millennial myself, I can see these values reflected in the lives of men around me,” said Black. “They want to be both caring and strong, both open to others and self-sufficient, and they see no contradiction in these values.”

The study was published in Psychology of Men & Masculinity.

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Meditation Will Sharpen Your Mental Abilities, Research Confirms

May 8, 2018

The breathing practices of Yoga and Buddhism have been known to increase your mental focus, but this new research from Trinity College Dublin has demonstrated the neurophysiological link that exists between breathing and attention. As described in this report, the research found that breathing – a key element of meditation and mindfulness practices – directly affects the levels of a natural chemical messenger in the brain called noradrenaline. This chemical messenger is released when we are challenged, curious, exercised, focused or emotionally aroused. That is, your breathing directly affects the chemistry of your brain in a way that can enhance your attention and improve your brain health.

The researchers pointed out that breath-focused meditation and yogic breathing practices have numerous known cognitive benefits, including increased ability to focus, decreased mind wandering, improved arousal levels, more positive emotions, decreased emotional reactivity, along with many others. To date, however, no direct neurophysiological link between respiration and cognition has been suggested. But, as lead researcher Ian Robertson explained, “Our research finds that there is evidence to support the view that there is a strong connection between breath-centered practices and a steadiness of mind.”

And, “Yogis and Buddhist practitioners have long considered the breath an especially suitable object for meditation (and this research finds that) by observing the breath, and regulating it in precise ways…changes in arousal, attention, and emotional control that can be of great benefit to the meditator are realized.

The research was published in the journal Psychophysiology, and described in full here.

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Why Apologies From High-Profile People Sound Insincere

February 13, 2018

Nearly every day we see examples of this: A high-profile person violates an accepted standard of conduct, or crosses the line into clear illegality. Then, when exposed or caught, he or she quickly and profusely apologizes. Most visible are the politicians, entertainers, corporate executives or others in the public eye. They’re quick to express “deep regret” or remorse for their misconduct. And they commit to becoming “better people,” ask forgiveness from whomever, and so on.

In most cases, no one really believes them. But is it just that many appear to be hypocrites with respect to the public image they’ve cultivated or the political stands they’ve taken? Certainly, that’s part of the reason. But some new research provides additional understanding why some people who apologize for transgressions often appear insincere in their expressions of remorse. And the findings mesh with what you probably sensed all along.

This international study from Israel, the US, and the Netherlands found that the greater the social status of the person who apologizes, the less sincere and authentic they will be perceived as being. According to one of the authors, Arik Cheshin, and described in this summary “The high-status person is perceived as someone who can control their emotions more effectively and use them strategically, and accordingly they are perceived as less sincere. The more senior they are, the less authentic their emotions are perceived as being.”

The study, published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, consisted of a series of experiments with hundreds of participants, and is described in detail here. The upshot was that participants in the study were told about individuals who committed a transgression, and then apologized. Some were identified as CEOs, and others, as lower-level employees. The findings were that the emotions of those who were shown the CEOs were perceived as less sincere than the lower level employees.

The data of the study indicated a perception of the more powerful, higher-status person as someone is able to use emotions in strategic, self-serving ways. According to Cheshin “The assumption is that the CEO has much more to lose, and accordingly has a stronger motivation to try to use their emotions to create empathy. Accordingly, the participants described them as less sincere.” Continue reading →

Why Entitled People Disregard Rules That Others Follow

January 2, 2018

Now this is interesting – especially in today’s culture: A new study has found that some people, who see themselves as special or entitled in some way that others are not, disregard ordinary instructions or the usual “order” of things that most others do follow. And the research found that the underlying reason reflects their narcissistic outlook about how the world should work for them.

In essence, this study from Cornell and the Harvard Medical School found that found people with a greater sense of entitlement are less likely to follow instructions than less entitled people are, because they view the instructions as an “unfair” imposition on them.

If that sounds familiar regarding recent political events and the underlying sense of entitlement driving them, that’s not surprising. It might remind you of Senator McCain’s speech in the Senate imploring his colleagues to follow “usual order.” But they did not. And neither did he, ultimately. They all joined to act upon their own definition of “fairness.”

To study this, researchers Emily Zitek and Alexander Jordan pointed out in this summary that previous studies found that entitled people – technically, individuals with a higher sense of entitlement – are more likely to believe they deserve preferences and resources that others don’t. And, that they are less concerned about what is socially acceptable or beneficial.

The aim of new study was to explore the underlying reasons for that. Zitek and Jordan first identified those who were more likely to avoid following instructions in a word search. After establishing that people who scored high on measures of “entitled personality” were less likely to follow instructions, they provided a set of scenarios to try to understand why the entitled individuals ignore the instructions: selfishness, control, or punishment. But none of those affected the outcomes: Entitled people still wouldn’t follow instructions.

It surprised the researchers that it was so hard to get entitled individuals to follow instructions. To me, that’s no surprise: We know — whether from psychotherapy or general psychological observation – that people who demonstrate the kind of narcissistic personality that fuels a sense of entitlement in their conduct often behave that way.

But the researchers were surprised: “We thought that everyone would follow instructions when we told people that they would definitely get punished for not doing so, but entitled individuals still were less likely to follow instructions than less entitled individuals,” said Zitek.

When the study looked at the issue of perceived “fairness,” they got more to the source, at least as revealed by the experiment: The entitled people did not follow instructions because they would rather take a loss themselves than agree to something unfair,” wrote the authors.

Zitek suggests that “a challenge for (anyone) who needs to get people with a sense of entitlement to follow instructions is to think about how to frame the instructions to make them seem fairer or more legitimate.”

But good luck with that! Unless,. that is, you define “fairness” as acquiescing to whatever the entitled individual defines as “fair” to himself or herself.

The study was published in Social Psychology and Personality Science.

Credit: Benzinga

Immersion In Nature Increases Your Mental Health – New Evidence

December 19, 2017

From psychotherapy we know that mental health and well-being are elevated when people experience some kind of engagement or connection with the larger world, outside of themselves. That is, when you extend yourself, your perceptions, beyond focusing so much on your own self — your needs, worries, regrets or desires for the future.

A new empirical study finds evidence supporting what we see clinically. It found that virtually any form of immersion in the natural world, outside of your internal world, heightens your overall well-being and well as more positive engagement with the larger human community.

The research, described here, is from the University of British Columbia. It highlights, in my view, an essential dimension of what is truly “mental health” – the realm beyond healing and managing conflicts and dysfunctions. It’s the capacity to move “outside” of yourself and thereby Increase and broaden your mental and emotional perspectives. That’s the realm that grows from meditation – the mindfulness state of being in the present moment. It’s a kind of buffer zone between being pulled by emotions and thoughts about the past, or anticipations about the future. There, you’re simply present. Conscious, in the moment; observing the flow of mental and emotional activity; but not being pulled into it. That conscious “now” allows for greater inner calm, clearer judgment, and enables more focused, creative responses to everyday life.

This study that examined the effect of immersion in nature upon the overall sense of well-being of participants, was published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, and divided people into three different groups. For one group, immersion in nature was defined as taking time to engage in some form of connection with the natural world. That included not just walking in nature, but, as described in this summary, it included anything not human-built: a houseplant, a dandelion growing in a crack in a sidewalk, birds, or sun through a window.

“This wasn’t about spending hours outdoors or going for long walks in the wilderness,” said lead author Holli-Anne Passmore. “This is about the tree at a bus stop in the middle of a city and the positive effect that one tree can have on people.”

One of the other groups focused on their self-observations regarding human-made objects, and the third did neither. Passmore pointed out that the difference in the participants’ well-being —their happiness, sense of elevation, and their level of connectedness to other people, not just nature — was significantly higher than that of participants in the group which noticed how only human-built objects made them feel. It was also higher than the control group, which did neither.

Credit: Pexels

Most People Are Unhappy With Their Jobs, New Survey Finds

December 5, 2017

Here we go again: Periodically, we find yet another survey that documents how dissatisfied, unhappy, and thwarted people feel about their jobs. Or just hate what they do. As one person lamented, “I actually like my work; I just hate my job.” Of course, such findings raise continuing questions about the sources of so much unhappiness and conflict, which can and does trigger a range of emotional and physical problems.

This latest study found that about 75 percent of American workers are looking for a new job; and most complain that they fail to receive enough recognition from their organizations.

These findings are from The 2017 Mind the Workplace report, released by the nonprofit group Mental Health America (MHA) and The Faas Foundation, surveyed more than 17,000 U.S. workers in 19 industries.

Among the findings were that 77 percent of workers surveyed said some of their colleagues get recognition they don’t deserve, while those who bring more to the table professionally get ignored. Moreover, nearly half said they “rarely or never” received the level of pay they deserved. Moreover, 44 percent said skilled workers were “‘always or often’ overlooked.”

There’s more: Sixty-six percent of respondents said they seldom feel like they can trust their colleagues to support them at the office. And 64% percent of employees reported that if things got tough, their supervisor would “sometimes, rarely or never” support them.

And to highlight what I said above regarding the impact on their health, Sixty-three percent of those surveyed said that the stress of their job had “a significant impact on their mental and behavioral health.” Not to mention that a 2016 Harvard/Stanford study that found that an average of 120,000 workplace deaths annually might be linked to work-related stress.

The usual explanations – and recommendations – for such data, tend to focus on learning to manage stress better. That’s always good advice, for life in out frenzied, rapidly changing workplace and career challenges. And a 2016 Harvard/Stanford study that found that an average of 120,000 workplace deaths annually might be linked to work-related stress.

But I think what’s chronically overlooked is the source – whether stress, hatred of one’s job, or the emotional and physical damage people experience. That source is most often rooted in the Continue reading →

Why Depressed Fathers Are Likely To Have Depressed Teenagers

November 24, 2017

Adolescents whose fathers suffer from depression are likely to develop depression themselves, according to a long-term study of nearly 14,000 families. I think research findings about links like these raise important questions about their meaning and source. In this case, what accounts for fathers becoming depressed to begin with? And how does their depression help explain depression in their children? I think answers exist, and they reflect three sources. They reveal a more complex picture about could help, beyond just medication and therapy that quells the symptoms.

To explain, let’s take a closer look at the study, led by University College London, and published in Lancet Psychiatry. It was based on two longitudinal studies of children growing up in Ireland and Great Britain. The studies followed children between 7- and 9-years-old; and again between 13 and 14. As described in a UCL report, the study was the first to find first to find an association between depression in fathers and their teenage children, independent of whether the mother has depression. The findings held up when adjusted for possible factors such as maternal depression, family income, and alcohol use.

“There’s a common misconception that mothers are more responsible for their children’s mental health, while fathers are less influential, but we found that the link between parent and teen depression is not related to gender,” said the study’s lead author, Gemma Lewis.“The mental health of both parents should be a priority for preventing depression among adolescents. There has been far too much emphasis on mothers but fathers are important as well.”

Although the research was conducted with Irish and British families, I think the findings ring true with what we often see clinically in the U.S. as well, among men, women and families who seek psychotherapy—or who suffer in silence—from depression, anxiety or other debilitating emotional conflicts.

So: What might be the source, and what could help? Continue reading →

Workplace Sexual Misconduct Prompts Rapid Change

November 10, 2017

It’s about time. The rapidly multiplying accusations of sexual harassment, nonconsensual sex and assault have caught the attention of business leaders. Better late than never, one must say.

Writing in The Wall Street Journal, Carol Hymowitz describes the rapid shifts in corporate behavior:

The wave of misconduct allegations has abruptly shifted the climate in American workplaces, prompting companies to scrutinize how employees work with one another, in one of the most rapid changes in corporate behavior in generations.

‘This is a moment where people will not turn their heads when something is wrong,’ says Pamela Craig, a former Accenture PLC finance chief who sits on the boards of Merck & Co. and Akamai Technologies Inc. and is foundation chair at C200, a women’s leadership organization. ‘We need to make it a watershed.’

More reports of workplace sexual harassment have emerged from individual women and men, and from news accounts and companies. As accusations pile up, they are sparking public and private workplace conversations about how men and women work together, and how companies deal with same-sex harassment. Managers describe a clear epochal shift: Before Weinstein to After Weinstein.

Click here for the full Wall Street Journal report.

Depressed At Midlife? It May Reflect Mother And Sibling Conflicts

October 10, 2017

This new research highlights and confirms what we often seen in psychotherapy with midlife men and women. The study, from Iowa State University, underscores the fact that relationships with mothers and siblings typically change as people enter their own adult years. But significantly, it found that the quality of those relationships continues to impact your well-being — especially at midlife.

One typical example occurs when adult children leave the house and/or aging parents start requiring more care. That’s pretty evident, clinically. But the new research is helpful because it found empirical evidence that tension with mothers and siblings, similar to that with spouses, is associated with symptoms of depression. The research found all three relationships have a similar effect, and one is not stronger than another.

As lead author Megan Gilligan points out, “Midlife is a time when siblings are often coming back together as they prepare and navigate care for parents. For that reason, it’s a pivotal time when these family relationships might be experiencing more tension, more strain, more discord.”

Interestingly, the research, summarized in this report, documents that the relationship between mothers and daughters is even more significant. It found that tension between mothers and adult children was a stronger predictor of depression for daughters than it was for sons. However, gender did not make a difference in relationships with spouses and siblings.

Gilligan adds, “We know that mothers and daughters in adulthood have the closest relationships and also the most conflictual. These are really intense relationships. Later in life, adult children start providing more care to their parents, and daughters in particular are often caregivers for their mothers.”

A full description of the research was based on data from the Within-Family Differences Study and is described in this report from Iowa State. It was published in the journal Social Sciences.

Credit: CPD Archive

Midlifers Have Sex Outside Of Marriage In Rising Numbers

September 26, 2017

Midlifers are reporting extramarital sex at a higher rate than their younger counterparts. But what do these numbers really mean? I have a few thoughts about that, so let’s first take a look at what this research from the University of Utah revealed.

Initially, it looks like nothing much has changed. The overall numbers of people who have extramarital sex have pretty much held steady over the years. But this report, “America’s New Generation Gap in Extramarital Sex,” revealed a new pattern by age: Midlifers show an upsurge in their frequency of sex outside of marriage.

As the lead author, Nicholas H. Wolfinger explains in this summary, midlifers have been reporting increased rates of extramarital sex since the mid-2000s when the numbers reported by people in their 50s and beyond and those married for 20 or more years began to diverge. (The full report was published by the Institute for Family Studies.)

In my view, there are both overt and less visible reasons behind this shift. The report suggests some that are more obvious; visible in many psychotherapy patients as well as the general public: The rise in boredom, disenchantment, or conflict during the course of a long-term marriage. That, coupled with a broader experience of midlife crisis that some experience—about their relationship, career, and sense of life purpose—can trigger a desire for looking outside the marriage for renewed vitality and excitement via a new partner.

I’ve previously written about some of those issues. For example, what enables couples to sustain long-term emotional, sexual and spiritual connection, and avoid descending into the “death spiral” of their relationship; or turning it into one that’s functional, but lifeless.

Those are difficult challenges. And they are likely exacerbated by a second reason: Continue reading →

Can Embracing Bad Feelings Increase Your Well-Being?

September 5, 2017

Many people struggle with negative, even destructive feelings – about themselves, about others; about emotions aroused in their careers or relationships. Trying to stifle negative emotions — or feeling bad about having them to begin with — is pretty common. It causes much distress and struggle; and often brings people into psychotherapy.

The irony, here, is that resisting your “bad” feelings actually intensifies them. Psychological health and well-being grows from the opposite: Embracing them. Now, some new research provides empirical evidence that. In essence, you can feel better by allowing yourself to feel bad.

That’s what meditative practices help you learn to do, and that accounts for much of the rise in popularity of meditation, yoga, and other mind-body practices. Consider this: When you try to deny or stifle any “parts” of yourself – whether undesirable emotions, desires or fears, you become fragmented. But you need a sense of integration; of wholeness inside. That’s what grows your well-being and your capacity to handle the ups and downs, the successes and failures; part of that relentless change and impermanence that is life.

One of the new studies, conducted with 1300 adults in the course of three experiments, underscored that in its findings. For example, it found that that people who try to resist negative emotions are more likely to experience psychiatric symptoms later, compared with those who accept such emotions. The latter group – those who showed greater acceptance of their negative feelings and experiences – also showed higher levels of well-being and mental health. Continue reading →

Regrets About Sacrificing For Your Partner? This May Be Why

August 22, 2017

One of the hallmarks of a loving, healthy relationship is when partners envision their relationship as a kind of third entity—something in need of being served and supported in itself, by mutual accommodation; perhaps sacrificing what you want, sometimes, not just using the relationship as a vehicle for getting your partner to serve your own needs and desires.

But can accommodation and support for each other—mutuality—go too far, in ways that undermine the relationship? It can, especially when emotional issues, often unconsciously expressed, drive a partner’s agreeableness. That can give rise to depression and, especially, regret and resentment. We see that in psychotherapy often, with couples who bicker and foment over what each says he or she went along with for the other, but says it was “unappreciated.”

Recent empirical research documents how that happens, and why. Further, research shows that feeling supported by your partner is linked with greater willingness to take on new challenges and with overall greater wellbeing.

To explain and unravel all this, first consider that feature of positive, healthy intimate relationships. These partners consciously practice showing mutual support to each other’s needs, always with an eye towards what best serves their relationship long-term. They do this with an understanding that when differences arise, they’ll find compromise, a “middle way.” Sometimes that means “giving in” to the other’s desires in a particular situation—knowing that doing so best serves the relationship as a whole. But most importantly, that’s done with trust that neither one will exploit the sacrifice for manipulative, self-serving purposes.

But men and women don’t enter relationships in a vacuum. We learn gender roles in our intimate relationships. We form our patterns of attachment and connection from social norms and culture and from our experiences with our parents. That inevitably includes some emotional issues that may lie dormant, and intrude upon our relationships as adult. Many memoirs depict that with devastating, often painful accuracy.

Regretting Your Sacrifice To Your Partner

Foremost among those personal issues is the consequence of bringing a low level of self-worth or self-regard into the relationship. Or when you feel insecure about how much you can trust or count on your partner’s professed caring and love. The consequences can lead to accommodating and supporting what your partner wants as an ongoing way of relating to him or her. That fuels an imbalanced, unhealthy partnership, and is likely to generate a backlash of resentment, beneath the surface, until it erupts or just remains submerged, where it festers and creates a range of symptoms. That’s what we often see in both individual and couples therapy.

Now, a recent study from the Netherlands documents that, from a study of 130 couples. Summarized in this report, the research found that people with low self-esteem tend to feel Continue reading →

Psychedelic Drugs Can Enhance Mental Health

August 8, 2017

It’s good to see accumulating research demonstrate how psychedelic drugs can enhance mental health and activate a transformative experience in your life. This has been a slow turn, after years of prohibiting the scientific study of psychedelics because of a mixture of fear, political attitudes; and the damaging experiences of some who may have been emotionally fragile to begin with, or who took the drugs in risky situations, without a proper supportive environment.

For some time, the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS) has advocated and supported funding for research studies, and sponsored scientific conferences on the beneficial effects of mind-altering drugs. Now, one of the new emerging studies, from the Universityof Adelaide, reported in this summary of the research that the altered state of consciousness and temporary lack of ego that results from using psychedelic drugs could help some mental health patients recover from their symptoms.

The researchers have been studying the body of evidence around the use of psychedelic drugs such as LSD and magic mushrooms, and the impact they have on people’s sense of “self.” An article by co-authors Philip Gerrans and Chris Letheby in Aeon cites growing evidence to suggest that psychedelic experiences can be truly “transformative” — including helping some people with anxiety, depression, or addiction.

“We know quite a lot about the neurochemistry of psychedelic drugs and how they work on the brain. What’s poorly understood is the more complex relationship between the brain, our sense of self, and how we perceive the world,” says Gerrans.

The study, published in the journal Neuroscience of Consciousness, explained how users of psychedelic drugs often report that their sense of being a self or ‘I’ — distinct from the rest of the world — has diminished or completely “dissolved.” “This ‘ego dissolution’ results in a moment of expanded awareness, a feeling in which the mind is put more directly and intensely in touch with the world,” Gerrans says. Continue reading →

Want Long-Term Well-Being In Life? Your Mind Is The Key!

July 18, 2017

Some new research finds that long-term well-being in life is more dependent on psychological and social factors than on your physical state. That contrasts with the assumption many make that physical aging has the most impact upon your experience of life. In essence, the research shows that your overall conscious experience of life has greater impact. Your state of consciousness reflects a blend of emotional, mental and social experiences over the course of your life. I would include spiritual dimensions as well; i.e. your overall sense of purpose along the way.

According to researcher, Karl-Heinz Ludwig, “Ageing itself is not inevitably associated with a decline in mood and quality of life. It is rather the case that psychosocial factors such as depression or anxiety impair subjective well-being.”

And, “To date, the impact of emotional stress has barely been investigated.” The study, from researchers in Germany, was published in BMC Geriatrics and is described more fully in this press release.

“What made the study particularly interesting was the fact that the impact of stress on emotional well-being has barely been investigated in a broader, non-clinical context,” said lead author Karoline Lukaschek. “Our study therefore explicitly included anxiety, depression and sleep disorders.”

The research found that depression and anxiety had the strongest effect on well-being. Low income and sleep disorders also had a negative effect. However, poor physical health (for example, low physical activity or so-called multi-morbidity) seemed to have little impact on perceived life satisfaction. Among women, living alone also significantly increased the probability of a low sense of well-being.

All of these factors are important, Ludwig said, “…given that we know that high levels of subjective well-being are linked to a lower mortality risk.”

Credit: Pexels/ Julian Jagtenberg

Leaders with a Moral Purpose Have More Engaged, Productive Workers

July 5, 2017

Having a sense of purpose in your life is often subsumed to the more “important” things – like advancing your career, finding the right relationship, or acquiring more material goods – the “bling” of having really “made it” in life. Right? But consider this: What enables you to know what’s worth going after in the external, outer world – and what’s not and ultimately harmful – is an internal sense of purpose. Knowing what you’re really living for. Your moral purpose, for being alive on this planet, at this historical moment you happen to be living within. And that includes your impact on the larger society and future generations as well, in recognition that you are one link in a long chain of beings who came before you and who will come after you are no longer here.

The consequences of ignoring your moral purpose – or developing an unhealthy, unconscious purpose — are legion in our society: rampant dysfunction and unhappiness in individual relationships, in the rise of self-centered, destructive political and policy aims, and in the products and services provided by today’s organizations and businesses.

A new study shows the direct connection in that latter realm, the workplace. It finds that leaders who have a moral purpose in their leadership vision and actions have employees who are more highly engaged — productive, collaborative, and experience greater enjoyment in their work and organizations. Contrast that with the large numbers of workers who report feeling depressed, significant stress, and even hatred of their work, their workplace, and their bosses.

This new study, described in a report from British researchers, emphasizes the need for what they call ‘purposeful leadership’ for the modern workplace. They find that When modern managers display ‘purposeful’ behaviors, employees are less likely to quit, more satisfied, willing to go the extra mile, better performers and less cynical,

Lead researcher Catherine Bailey says in a summary of the report, “Our study shows that the modern workplace is as much a battle for hearts and minds as it is one of rules and duties.”

“People increasingly expect an organizational purpose that goes beyond a mere focus on the bottom line, beyond the kind of short-term, financial imperatives that are blamed by many for causing the 2008 recession. In turn, they respond to leaders who care not just about themselves but wider society, who have strong morals and ethics, and who behave with purpose.”

Laura Harrison, author of the report, adds, “Much has been discussed about the critical nature of invoking and ‘living’ purpose in an organization, but little around the alignment of this purpose to the internal, perhaps hidden, moral compass of an organization’s leaders. The challenge now is how we enable and support the development of leaders that people actually want to follow.”

The researchers suggest that there is much that organizations can do to foster purposeful and ethical leadership, including the adoption of relevant policies, leader role-modeling, alignment around a core vision, training and development, and organizational culture.

Credit: Pexels

Anxious? Fearing Risk May Be An Overlooked Source

June 20, 2017

This new study suggests that anxious people may be more disabled by fear of risk-taking than fearing a negative outcome. I’m generally skeptical of lab experiments, because generalizing the results to “real-life” situations is often off-base. However, this study may shed light on some of the drivers underlying some forms of anxiety.

In essence, the researchers looked at the differences between fear of risk-taking and fear of loss among people diagnosed with anxiety disorder. A controlled experiment found that anxious people had similar levels of loss aversion to healthy people, but showed enhanced risk aversion. “In other words, everyone is loss averse, but anxious people are more reluctant to take risks than non-anxious people,” said the lead author, Caroline Charpentier. That is, the research suggests that it’s aversion to taking risks that drives avoidance behavior observed in anxious people.

I think the research falls short in viewing the findings as a cognitive issue, benefited by new learning. But that ignores the powerful, and different emotional forces that underlie anxiety in different people. Two people can be diagnosed with anxiety disorder, but with very different underlying sources. That’s overlooked by Charpentier, who says, “It suggests that we should focus on encouraging anxious individuals to increase their tolerance of risk rather than dampening down their sensitivity to negative outcomes.”

Well, sure – and that highlights the problem: Underlying, often unconscious emotional issues inhibit dealing with anxiety. You can’t just increase your tolerance of risk by assuming it’s just a a new mental skill to acquire.

The research, from University College London and published in Biological Psychiatry, is described in this report.

Credit: CPD Archive

Is There An Upside To Worrying?

June 6, 2017

New research from the University of California, Riverside, finds that some forms of worrying may be beneficial. It can activate motivation to address a problem, and – according to the researchers – help heal from trauma and depression.

In this media release of the study, the lead author Kate Sweeny describes the role of worry in motivating preventive and protective behavior; that it leads people to avoid unpleasant events. She explains that worry is associated with recovery from traumatic events, adaptive preparation and planning, recovery from depression, and partaking in activities that promote health, and prevent illness. Furthermore, people who report greater worry may perform better — in school or at the workplace — seek more information in response to stressful events, and engage in more successful problem solving.

That’s a pretty extensive list of benefits, and I think the research may overlook that there are different levels of “worry” among different personalities and the kinds of emotional conflicts people experience have an impact. But she acknowledges that “…both too much and too little worry can interfere with motivation, but the right amount of worry can motivate without paralyzing.”

For example, she cites three situations of the positive benefit of worry:

Worry serves as a cue that the situation is serious and requires action.
Worrying about a stressor keeps the stressor at the front of one’s mind and prompts people toward action.
The unpleasant feeling of worry motivates people to find ways to reduce their worry.

Sweeny points out that as people brace for the worst, they embrace a pessimistic outlook to mitigate potential disappointment, boosting excitement if the news is good. Therefore, both bracing and worrying have an emotional payoff following the moment of truth.

“Worrying the right amount is far better than not worrying at all.”

The study, published in Social and Personality Psychology Compass, is described in more detail in this report from UC Riverside.

Credit: CPD Archive

Seeking Greater Health And Well-Being? Try Showing Gratitude, Research Finds!

April 25, 2017

You’re probably aware of the periodic reminders we receive about the importance of feeling and showing gratitude towards others’ acts of kindness and generosity. And, that it’s also good to feel grateful for whatever’s positive in your own life. But such reminders are often couched in a moral or religious framework: that it’s good to do. But realistically, you might think that it isn’t all that relevant to what’s really important in life – like making money, or acquiring status and power.

So consider this: A new study finds a direct link between expressing gratitude and increasing your physical and emotional well-being. Not just a moral exhortation, showing gratitude increases your overall health.

I’m not surprised to see empirical confirmation of what I’ve found – and have recommended – to people for many years. So often we’re caught up in a sense of self-importance regarding our own troubles, whether major or trivial. We can easily sink into victimhood while ignoring all that we have to be grateful for in our lives; all that is positive in our life circumstances, despite the “negatives” that we may dwell in. Or comparing ourselves with others whom we imagine to be better off, in some way.

In short, practicing an attitude of gratitude – really experiencing it – is a component of increasing resilience in the face of the fluid, ever-changing world we live in; and building greater psychological health.

This new study provides evidence of that. From the University of Montana and published in the Review of Communication, it examined the evidence of the connections between expressing gratitude and overall health. The authors find that gratitude – which stems from the actions of another and your response to them — is associated with psychological well-being and increased positive states such as life satisfaction, vitality, hope, and optimism. It also contributes to decreased levels of depression, anxiety, envy, and job-related stress and burnout. Moreover, people who experience and express gratitude have reported fewer symptoms of physical illness, more exercise, and better quality of sleep

The study’s authors, Stephen M. Yoshimura and Kassandra Berzins, suggest that “gratitude promotes social relationships by giving grateful people an appearance of warmth and responsiveness, increasing their trust in others, and motivating them to approach and bond with their benefactors.” Further, they point out that gratitude can help people find high-quality relationship partners and can lead to greater long-term relationship satisfaction because of the mutual support and caring it generates. And that, in turn, is an essential part of long-term psychological well-being.

The authors conclude, in a low-key way, “Social connectedness, perhaps through the increased willingness and ability to communicate gratitude, could serve as a recommendable health practice.”

No argument there!

Credit: Regenerate

A version of this article also appeared in Psychology Today

Trump’s Election Makes Men More Aggressive, Research Shows

April 11, 2017

A new study from the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Business finds that the emboldening of the extreme right that helped Donald Trump win the presidency has altered social norms. Part of that shift reflects an increase in men acting more aggressively toward women.

To explain, the researchers noted that such groups such as the Southern Poverty Law Center have found an uptick of hate crimes and harassment taking place across the country. The rise of such incidents led Wharton researchers to examine whether a dimension of that might be found in differences in communications styles of men and women; for example, if their negotiation tactics changed – both before and after the election – depending on which gender they interact with.

Their experiments found a striking result: Post-election, male study participants were less cooperative, more likely to use adversarial strategies and less likely to reach an agreement with a partner. “We didn’t know Trump was going to be elected; we didn’t set out to study Trump’s election,” according to lead researcher Corinne Low. “We had the [lab experiment] sessions on the calendar already, and post-election, we looked at the data and saw that people’s behavior was profoundly different.”

“It appears that whatever Trump represents – that rhetorical style, that presence – seems to have consequences for other people’s behaviors.” Before the election, men were less likely to use aggressive negotiation tactics when they knew their partner was a woman – a pattern that could be classified as chivalry or a kind of “benevolent sexism,” Low says. “This tells us that if women’s outcomes are dependent on men’s whims, those whims could change. We could see the turning of the tide, and suddenly men are more aggressive.”

The experiments involved playing a “Battle of the Sexes” game in which men and women had to divide $20 with a partner. In some cases, participants were told the gender of their partner; in other cases, that information wasn’t provided. Each round had only two options for splitting the money: One partner would get $15 and the other would get $5, or vice versa; or, if they couldn’t agree, both would walk away with zero.

The researchers pointed out that previous studies suggest that political and world events can affect people’s behavior, including their displays of generosity, cooperation and fairness. “It appears that whatever Trump represents – that rhetorical style, that presence – seems to have consequences for other people’s behaviors,” Low says.

Many human rights and social justice groups have observed a spike in anti-Semitism and hate crimes following the election. “That’s anecdotal evidence that words matter,” Low says, “and what we have is lab evidence that this matters.”

Credit: Wisegeek

Hurt Your Relationship Through This Quick And Fast Way!

March 28, 2017

Kathy and Paul were talking one night after dinner about plans for a summer vacation, and soon found themselves disagreeing with each other’s suggestions. At one point, Kathy raised the idea of a trip to a national park area. Paul had a sudden flashback: A similar trip some years ago, which ended in disaster. Bad lodging, terrible weather, and bickering about why they had done that trip to begin with. Paul recalled that Kathy had been more interested in it than he was, but that he had gone along with it to please her.

Suddenly, Paul made a negative comment about a recent furniture purchase. He told her he thought it was too expensive — and ugly to boot, but had gone along with it because she liked it. “Why are you bringing that up now?” Kathy asked, angrily. “That’s got nothing to do with planning our trip!” Their conversation deteriorated from there, and they didn’t speak to each other for the rest of the evening.

So what happened? Some new research from the University of Waterloo sheds light on how and why. But relationships are complicated: Some other studies find that attempts to heal disagreements may have an opposite effect, depending on the situation and the needs or vulnerabilities of each partner.

First, the Waterloo research, published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin: It found that when one partner recalls a negative experience from the past — triggered by something in the present that has no real connection to it – that partner is likely to bring up most any annoyance or irritation from the present. The researchers called that “kitchen thinking,” because partners throw everything but the kitchen sink into the argument.

The study’s co-author Kassandra Cortes said, “When memories feel closer to the present, those memories are construed as more relevant to the present and more representative of the relationship. If one bad memory feels recent, a person will also be more likely to remember other past slights, and attach more importance to them.”

That is, that if a partner’s past transgression or slight feels like it happened yesterday — even if it didn’t — he or she is more likely to remember it during new, unrelated arguments. So, even if neither partner mentions an old transgression during the current argument or disagreement, just thinking about it could erupt in ways that hurt the relationship in the present.

And then, the other partner is likely to feel befuddled; even angry, unable to understand why their partner has become so upset over something so seemingly minor. Moreover, that can have lasting effects: The researchers found that partners who tend to recall previous slights or wounds during new conflict tended to react more destructively, with more conflicts and more negative feelings about their relationships, in general.

Other studies, though, present somewhat contradictory findings about what helps couples deal with conflicts or emotionally distressing experiences. For example, research from SUNY at Binghamton found that being supportive and positive towards your partner in an effort resolve a conflict can backfire, and actually raise the partner’s stress level. And, in other situations, behaving in ways that appear unsupportive can have a paradoxical, positive impact.

On the other hand, another study, from the University of Alberta and published in Developmental Psychology, found that conveying empathy and showing direct emotional support to an unhappy or troubled partner enhances the partner’s mental health and helps the overall relationship.

Psychologically, I think these seemingly mixed findings illustrate that people who experience underlying anxiety and insecurity in their relationships and who often fear abandonment – whether consciously or unconsciously — will tend to experience past slights as being closer in time to the present, and react to them in the present, compared to those who feel more secure. Moreover, their degree of security in relationships can lead to outwardly contradictory responses to either empathic or non-empathic communications from their partners.

Overall, I think that even couples who experience secure attachment personally and with each other would benefit from practicing what I’ve described here as “radical transparency” — mutual disclosure and openness — especially when a situation generates conflict or differences. That is, become transparent right then, when the issue arises. Ignoring what you experience or thinking you can dismiss it is likely to render it semi-underground, where it brews…awaiting for an opportunity to infect a new situation.

Credit: Flickr/Sage Therapy

A version of this article also appeared in Psychology Today.

You Have No Life? That’s The New Status Symbol!

March 7, 2017

Not surprising, really, but a new study highlights how enamored so many busy careerists are by their decline of leisure time. In fact, increasing numbers aspire to having no life.

The research found that some people boast about the lack of spare time as a status symbol —even an aspirational lifestyle. According to Harvard Business School’s Anat Keinan, the lead author of the study with colleagues from Columbia and Georgetown, “People used to spend their time in ostentatiously unproductive ways to show their status,” says Keinan. But now, something in our culture has changed about how status is achieved, as conspicuous ostentatious consumption has become less socially acceptable. Those wishing to flaunt their status have had to find more subtle ways to show their value. At the same time, our go-go workplaces are emphasizing and rewarding 24×7 productivity.

“When we talk about traditional conspicuous consumption, it’s about consuming scarce and expensive things like jewelry or money or cars,” Keinan says. “But the new conspicuous consumption is about saying, I am the scarce resource, and therefore I am valuable.”

Keinan pointed out that the notion of equating “busyness” with status flies in the face of decades of social history, where enjoyment of nonproductive leisure time was seen as a mark of a successful life. The ability to fritter away your hours was considered the apex of success as evidenced in books from sociologist Thorstein Veblen’s 1899 classic The Theory of the Leisure Class (he coined the term “conspicuous consumption”) to television shows such as “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.” If you didn’t actually have a life of leisure, you could pretend you did by buying increasingly affordable luxury brands like Cadillac or Rolex.

The study’s findings were described by Michael Blanding in a Harvard Business School post, based on an interview with Keinan about the research, to be published in the Journal of Consumer Research.

Blanding described six experiments the researchers set up to gauge our attitudes about luxury and busyness. As a preliminary test, the researchers combed through social media posts by celebrities compiled by Harris Wittels, author of Humblebrag, The Art of False Modesty, and found more than 1 in 10 were about being too busy or “not having a life.” (A typical example: “Hi, I’m 16 and I’m publishing 3 books and an album this year. Do you have any advice on how to handle it best?”) Continue reading →